New Beginnings: Navigating the Emotional Journey of Moving (Pt. 1) Before the Move
So you’re moving. Or thinking about moving. Or you want to help a close friend or family member move. Well, I’m glad you’re here! If you’re like me, the moving process is just that–a process. There are a variety of stages and emotions in the moving process, and like grief, they are rarely linear. Our family just experienced a significant change from living in rural-suburban Southwest Virginia to urban Chicago, from completing graduate studies and residency work to full-time pastoral ministry, from a spacious brick ranch to a compact four-unit condo. Change is involved in any move.
Before we knew the details of our move, I experienced an unsettledness. I would describe it as vocational aspiration or even discontent. While contentment is a mark of increasing godliness–Paul encourages us to be content in all circumstances (Phil 4:11-13)–not all discontentment is wrong. I think there are times when the Holy Spirit stirs us to desire God more, which might lead us towards a job, career, or geographic change. I say that carefully as there are often mixed motives and less than honorable means we employ for our own advancement, reputation, or success. Making a healthy move requires a humble dependence on God. But let’s say God is leading you to make a change (perhaps we’ll talk about discerning God’s voice/will in a future article), and it’s time to move! While this won’t be comprehensive, I want to share some lessons learned from our experience that I hope will help you through yours! In reflecting on our recent experience, I think it’s helpful to think about three different periods of the move–before, during, and after. This introductory post will focus on the before-times, with parts 2-3 to follow.
Before the Move (Pt. 1)
Before you move, there is more to prepare than simply decluttering and organizing your home, renting a truck, or hiring movers, etc. Moving is an emotional and spiritual process as much as it is physical, so I’d like to focus on these former aspects rather than the latter.
Pray
More than six months before we moved, we asked a group of friends to pray for us, as well as committing to regular personal and family prayer. Through prayer, God prepared us for the many phases of the move. By keeping track of our prayers, we were able to see God work to answer our prayers. I cannot overemphasize this aspect of the preparation process as God deepened our trust in Him and demonstrated His continued faithfulness in our lives.
Read/Learn
Some of our friends thoughtfully gave our girls age-appropriate books about Chicago. Reading these together as part of our bedtime routine helped our daughters imagine their new life and home. We saw their curiosity grow and excitement build as they processed the move in their own ways. Moving to Chicago, the shiny bean, zoo, and “lake-beach” were frequent topics of discussion. My wife and I did our own research into our new home. Finding books, articles, restaurant recommendations (a must), YouTube channels, podcasts, and more helped us learn about our new place and the people who live there. This process grew our excitement for the move but also helped us develop realistic expectations and grapple with the challenges of our soon-to-be home.
Take a Vision Trip / Short Visit
Over the year leading up to our move, we were able to take a few short vision trips to the city. This helped us better envision our future life in the city as we experienced it through our five senses. We were also able to pray on-site with insight. We took our oldest on our last visit, which helped her prepare for the move as well. She got to visit her future school, go to church, eat pie at a local restaurant within walking distance of our condo, walk through her new home, and meet some new friends. She became an apologist for our move because she became a partner in the vision. (That could be its own topic. Include your children in your move and the reasons for it. Cast vision for how God is leading your family and what their role in it looks like. Comment below if you’d be interested in more thoughts on what this could look like.)
Plan Good Goodbyes
One of the hardest parts of moving is saying goodbye. If you’ve lived somewhere for any length of time, I hope you have invested in the hard work of building deep relationships. Friendship is a divine gift. Begin by thanking God for the friendships He has given you and asking Him for divine appointments as you move. Be intentional with how you want to say goodbye to close friends and family. Don’t neglect these moments, suppress the sorrow, or minimize the significance of this transition. Memorialize significant people and places before you leave. Make plans for how relationships will look after you move. Take small mementos to remind you of important places, experiences, or people in a small memory box. Lastly, as you pray, ask God to reveal where you might be harboring any resentment or bitterness towards anyone. Before you move, seek reconciliation with that person if possible.
Thanks for reading! What resonated with you from our experience? What do you wish had been covered but wasn’t? Be on the lookout for part 2 next week–During the Move.
