New Beginnings: Navigating the Emotional Journey of Moving: (Pt. 2) During the Move
It’s moving day! You’ve budgeted, you’ve planned, you’ve developed some calluses and cardboard cuts, and now the time has come. Here’s what you need to know: SLOW DOWN.
In the six weeks leading up to our most recent move, we had a calendar plotting out the details of EVERY DAY – when each room would get packed, when we would meet with certain people, a beach trip with grandparents, the hour the moving truck would arrive, etc. I called my brother during that window of time and asked for some advice. He had moved his family a few months prior, so his experience was fresh. After hearing my plan for packing up, getting the moving truck halfway across the country, unpacking it, organizing our new home within a few hours, and then returning to VA to quickly turn around with the whole family, he encouraged me to SLOW DOWN.
If you missed Part 1 of our series on moving - please check it out here.
Slow Down the Move Itself
I realize not everyone has the privilege of being able to slow down (our last major move involved frantically packing up our home into a few suitcases with a 3-month-old in tow to journey across several continents and six time zones as global travel ground to an abrupt halt over concerns for public health and safety. You might have heard about that sort of thing…). But as much as you’re able, slow down. Build at least one extra day into your moving schedule. Do some sightseeing along the way if your move involves a big road trip. Don’t exhaust yourself by just moving stuff. The moving process is much more than a logistical feat to get stuff from point A to point B. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational process. Make sure you eat regular meals, sleep 7+ hours at night, maintain spiritual rhythms, and keep up with exercise (usually not a problem when packing, but you should probably do some active stretching!). Spend some extra time with close friends and family amidst the chaos of the transition. Which leads me to the next point…
Ask for Help
Moving will force you to confront the popular Western, American myth of autonomous individualism. You are not an island. You are shockingly out of control of your life and future. So ask for some help! We had friends in our home constantly during the last few days of packing. Those were valuable moments of friendship and connection. I asked several guys to hop in the moving truck with me and help me settle into our apartment before my family arrived. We had grandparents come spend the first several weeks with us to help with childcare, errands, meals, cleaning, unpacking, and all the unexpectedness of a move. People want to be useful and will generally offer their help during a move. Accept their help!
Give and Receive Grace
Confession time: I am an angry, idealistic, selfish dad. Moving brought out of me what I fear is true of me all the time. I want people to live up to my high ideals, even when I don’t live up to them myself. I want time to pursue my interests, pleasures, and comforts. And if someone or something gets in my way, I get angry. Not righteous anger. Vengeful, spiteful, hate-filled anger. Just ask my toddlers… Or my wife… I remember one moment where I said something indirectly critical to my wife and immediately saw the negative effect on her. I tried to shrug it off as if I didn’t mean it critically towards her and move on. She (graciously) overlooked the offense. In the following minutes, I felt the conviction of the Spirit. “Samuel, you did mean that critically. You did intend to guilt-trip your wife.” Oof. Sometimes grace looks like choosing to overlook the wrong caused by another person. It also looks like going back and asking for forgiveness for something that should have been confessed in the moment. When we are honest about how we fail and ask for forgiveness, we enable the beauty of grace to be displayed in our relationships. There will be plenty of moments for giving and receiving grace during the move, which can be incredibly difficult, and incredibly beautiful.
The Source of Grace
In John 15, Jesus famously said, “…love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (vv 12-13). Jesus’ love for us resources our ability to love one another–even to the point of giving one’s life for another. To this point in my life, this has looked like the death of a million paper cuts rather than a moment of conspicuous bravery or self-sacrifice. During the move, this was certainly the case. While I feel a responsibility to protect my family and give my life for them if necessary, laying down my life often looks more like wiping a poopy diaper than taking a bullet to the chest. Forgive the visceral comparison, but you might know the feeling. That thing you least want to do for someone else, that person you have the hardest time loving, the time of the day you are at your most irritable, is the exact location for God’s redemptive activity in you. God is inviting you to look more like His Son, Jesus Christ, in those little deaths and resurrections (John 12:24). How? The answer might surprise you. It’s not with a stiff upper lip, a steel resolve, or stubborn duty. Jesus invites us to abide with Him (John 15:4-5). Through abiding, we are transformed into the kind of men who readily give their lives for others. The inverse is also true. Apart from abiding with Jesus, we can do nothing (John 15:5). So abide in Christ during your move. When everything else is in transition, stay connected to the vine. Slow down and see him work in you and through you. He is your life. He loves to revive from a million deaths.
