When You Coming Home, Dad?
I have created the #dadlife Spotify playlist to help me be a better dad. I listen to it in the car or when I’m cutting the grass to remind me about what’s important in my life. Of course, there are some solid country songs like “Love Without End” by George Strait, “Drive” by Alan Jackson, and “He Didn’t Have to Be” by Brad Paisley, as well as some classics like “Father and Son” by Cat Stevens and “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
But one that gets me every time is Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s in the Cradle,” which chronicles the haunting story of a childhood with an absent father. It’s not an angry, accusatory song; actually, it’s just the opposite. It’s a catchy song filled with a desire to be together, with the child proclaiming,
I’m going to be like him.
As the son grows into a man, the roles reverse, and the aging father longs to be with his son who is just too busy. The father concludes in the last verse,
He’d grown up just like me. My boy was just like me.
[insert man-size tears]
These songs strike a chord deep in the soul. Our children have a desire to be with their moms and dads. Throwing a baseball, learning to drive, dancing on top of a father’s toes—these are all heartfelt expressions of being with the ones they love! It seems so simple, and yet connecting with our children can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting.
In today’s hurried culture, parents spend very little time with their children compared to previous generations. While children and families today have a myriad of wonderful resources and opportunities for growth and development, these activities can create a busyness that impacts parents’ ability to simply be with their children.
There is an age-old debate about quality time vs. quantity time. With children, I think you need both! I have found this to be true with my kids; to get any quality time, I need to spend a lot of time with them. The best conversations seem to come after an hour of Lego building, an evening of catching blue crabs with raw chicken legs, or drives on the Blue Ridge Parkway with a Chick-Fil-A milkshake.
My Christian faith has shaped much of who I am as a person and a father. Jesus has transformed the world (and my life), and he did so by coming to be with his people—theologians call this the incarnation. The incarnation of Jesus demonstrates God’s redemptive love for his world by stepping into our lives. Danny Akin writes about the significance of “incarnational parenting” in raising a family, modeled after Jesus’ example. Akin states,
He [Jesus] came into our world, got down on our level, and revealed to us the grace and love of a heavenly Father. Our incarnational love for our children models God’s love and communicates our love for them. It puts action to our words.
I will be most able to transform my kids’ lives when I spend time with them. Verbal instruction will ring true behind a lifetime of example.
Here are a few of our family’s mottos:
Do Less So That You Can Do More.
You’ve got to cut something out of your schedule so that you can hang with your crew. Sometimes you have to say “no” to some quality activities to make space for family time.
Prioritize Blank Space in the Calendar.
When we have a free day in our schedule, we do our best to keep it open to ensure we have free, unstructured time as a family. Quantity leads to quality!
Small Wins are Still Wins.
Today’s culture would lead us to believe that trips to Disney, buying a boat, or indulging every childhood whim is the standard of being a good provider. Let me encourage you to pursue a relationship through everyday small decisions—wrestling on the basement floor, cuddling up for movie nights, Saturday morning breakfasts. Adding “money” to their memory banks will provide your kids with secure and stable parental relationships—one of the best things you could ever hope to give them! Start slow—maybe a family game night or a sit-down meal once a week. Pace yourself, bro!
A Final Word…
There are many moments around our house where I am tempted to seek my comfort above family engagement—it’s easy to veg out watching Instagram reels and YouTube videos. I feel the constant struggle to disengage, thinking that is what will bring rest and comfort. But the never-ending reels cannot replace the deep and meaningful relationship that a dad has with his children. Rather, a thousand sacrifices and small decisions can make a lifetime impact on our children.
